So my mom says that if "I" "keep making her yell so much" "the neighbors are gonna report domestic violence" and that "ICE will arrest me"

[n0t_5ure@lemmy.world]

She's blaming you for her own conduct, which is toxic. You do not control her emotions.

[adhd_traco@piefed.social]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, man. I really feel for you.

Have you considered joining a martial arts/self-defense club/group, if that's a possibility?

I'm not saying this so you can beat people up, but I've really only heard good things from people who did this in their youth and had it rough otherwise. I think the value of it is more about self-worth, self-confidence and having a good environment to be around. My apologies if this isn't realistic, just trying to think of anything that could help and not potentially be counter-productive.

[neidu3@sh.itjust.works]

Yeah, my thought upon reading OPs post was that stereotypical wife beater excuse; "I love you, but sometimes you're making me so angry..."

Nobody is responsible for their emotions. But everyone is responsible for how they react to them and/or act them out.

[neidu3@sh.itjust.works]

I've alluded to this before, but I think at this stage I'm not out of line if I outright say that your mother is a real cunt.

[fonix232@fedia.io]

no, she ain't no cunt. she lacks the depth and warmth of one.

rather, she's a knee. like a cunt but a good foot or so below.

[spikesotherdog@ani.social]

Can you say "Oh yeah?"
Can you say it in falsetto?
Can you also make it sound like you are crying?

That's the proper response.

[sendmephotos@lemmy.world]

I think that's a potential. It's worth noting that in many instances, neither party is innocent.

Reflecting on my own actions, I would need to be a saint to keep my cool 100% of the time. My bursts are typically when I have said something many times and either it doesn't get done or something happens when it's not supposed to. But that's not to say that I freak out every time. Just talking about when I do.

[droning_in_my_ears@lemmy.world]

Jesus Christ wtf

[deathbybigsad@sh.itjust.works]

Not really that insane when you know the context of what my family is like... I got so used to it, I'm only posting here cuz I need an outlet to vent

To give you a glimpse: mom is pressuring my older brother, who is still living with us btw, to marry because he's "getting too old" and mom's afraid he would be "alone for the rest of his life"... he's 28... for context my dad got married when he was like 31 and mom was 24... arranged marriage... soon after marriage, they gave birth to my older brother then 5 years after that they had me...

I wonder if my mom was even happy being pressured in a marriage at 24... jeez wtf... she probably hate her children... she probably feel like she has no control and wants to control us... that's my theory anyways

father seems so... indifferent to us... like he's not even abusive at all... he doesn't seem to care too much emotionally, only care in the sense of like... social expectations for a father to care about their children... I remember like he was always reading newspapers or after phones became a thing, just scrolling wechat... doesn't seem to care about me too much...

so sad... my life is just in black and white... idk why colors literally feel duller these recent years

[worhui@lemmy.world]

She's the parent and understands the stakes of yelling, yet still leaves it up to someone else to keep things safe. That is messed up

[tikiporch@lemmy.world]

Yes. Why are you making your mom yell so much?

[droning_in_my_ears@lemmy.world]

I'm sorry man

I hope you get the strength to hold it together until you can escape this abusive situation and be independent.

I relate to a lot of what you post about immigration, not belonging anywhere, but my family is thankfully supportive. If you wanna talk my PMs are open.

[rockerface@lemmy.cafe]

Sounds like a classic "look what you made me do" abuser rhetoric. Stay strong, friend, I hope you'll be able to find help and safety in the future.

[clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

It is abuse. Sounds like it too but it is also absolutely abuse.

[clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

If you're blaming others for your negativity via voice or action then you are abusing them.

[clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

That context doesn't change the reality. It is abuse. It's normalized for you but it's still not abused.

Being able to use critical thinking skills to predict where the abuse might stem from is good, it means you haven't internalized it.

You are depressed and need to speak to a therapist, internet stranger or whatever. The important part is it needs to be someone that is not close to your family so they can offer an honest assessment of your situation as you experience it.

From there you can build up what you've already established and gain a solid perspective of the situation and from there create a plan to remove yourself from the situation and begin healing.

[davidagain@lemmy.world]

You're a controlling git who sees other people as NPCs to demand what you want of and you blame your victims for their victimisation.

People who live with you will be so relieved when they don't have to any more.

If you give up control, you might gain love, but I'm not convinced you have any idea whatsoever what that really is or what it looks like.

[deathbybigsad@sh.itjust.works]

I mean my maternal grandmother has been living with us for the past... like 9 years or so?

I know she scolded at me a lot like literally the moment she arrived in the US, so I'm assuming she also did that raising my mother... so yea... generational trauma... nobody ever knew how to parents and this shitty gene just gets passed down lol

[sendmephotos@lemmy.world]

Good assumption off of a few lines but nah. I'm just human and imperfect. I've lived a good life and learned many things.

If I was as bad as you think I was, my kids would not be as capable as they are and would have left already instead of opting to watch movies, talk, and stay living at home as old as they are.

[sendmephotos@lemmy.world]

It's not blaming, it's human reaction. We have emotions and react accordingly.