So my mom says that if "I" "keep making her yell so much" "the neighbors are gonna report domestic violence" and that "ICE will arrest me"
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I think that's a potential. It's worth noting that in many instances, neither party is innocent.
Reflecting on my own actions, I would need to be a saint to keep my cool 100% of the time. My bursts are typically when I have said something many times and either it doesn't get done or something happens when it's not supposed to. But that's not to say that I freak out every time. Just talking about when I do.
If you're blaming others for your negativity via voice or action then you are abusing them.
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Not really that insane when you know the context of what my family is like... I got so used to it, I'm only posting here cuz I need an outlet to vent
To give you a glimpse: mom is pressuring my older brother, who is still living with us btw, to marry because he's "getting too old" and mom's afraid he would be "alone for the rest of his life"... he's 28... for context my dad got married when he was like 31 and mom was 24... arranged marriage... soon after marriage, they gave birth to my older brother then 5 years after that they had me...
I wonder if my mom was even happy being pressured in a marriage at 24... jeez wtf... she probably hate her children... she probably feel like she has no control and wants to control us...
that's my theory anywaysfather seems so... indifferent to us... like he's not even abusive at all... he doesn't seem to care too much emotionally, only care in the sense of like... social expectations for a father to care about their children... I remember like he was always reading newspapers or after phones became a thing, just scrolling wechat... doesn't seem to care about me too much...
so sad... my life is just in black and white... idk why colors literally feel duller these recent years
That context doesn't change the reality. It is abuse. It's normalized for you but it's still not abused.
Being able to use critical thinking skills to predict where the abuse might stem from is good, it means you haven't internalized it.
You are depressed and need to speak to a therapist, internet stranger or whatever. The important part is it needs to be someone that is not close to your family so they can offer an honest assessment of your situation as you experience it.
From there you can build up what you've already established and gain a solid perspective of the situation and from there create a plan to remove yourself from the situation and begin healing.
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I think that's a potential. It's worth noting that in many instances, neither party is innocent.
Reflecting on my own actions, I would need to be a saint to keep my cool 100% of the time. My bursts are typically when I have said something many times and either it doesn't get done or something happens when it's not supposed to. But that's not to say that I freak out every time. Just talking about when I do.
You're a controlling git who sees other people as NPCs to demand what you want of and you blame your victims for their victimisation.
People who live with you will be so relieved when they don't have to any more.
If you give up control, you might gain love, but I'm not convinced you have any idea whatsoever what that really is or what it looks like.
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She's the parent and understands the stakes of yelling, yet still leaves it up to someone else to keep things safe. That is messed up
I mean my maternal grandmother has been living with us for the past... like 9 years or so?
I know she scolded at me a lot like literally the moment she arrived in the US, so I'm assuming she also did that raising my mother... so yea... generational trauma... nobody ever knew how to parents and this shitty gene just gets passed down lol
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You're a controlling git who sees other people as NPCs to demand what you want of and you blame your victims for their victimisation.
People who live with you will be so relieved when they don't have to any more.
If you give up control, you might gain love, but I'm not convinced you have any idea whatsoever what that really is or what it looks like.
Good assumption off of a few lines but nah. I'm just human and imperfect. I've lived a good life and learned many things.
If I was as bad as you think I was, my kids would not be as capable as they are and would have left already instead of opting to watch movies, talk, and stay living at home as old as they are.
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If you're blaming others for your negativity via voice or action then you are abusing them.
It's not blaming, it's human reaction. We have emotions and react accordingly.
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I mean my maternal grandmother has been living with us for the past... like 9 years or so?
I know she scolded at me a lot like literally the moment she arrived in the US, so I'm assuming she also did that raising my mother... so yea... generational trauma... nobody ever knew how to parents and this shitty gene just gets passed down lol
That's one of the reasons I got a tubal litigation. There's more than therapy as an option to stop intergenerational trauma in its tracks
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That's one of the reasons I got a tubal litigation. There's more than therapy as an option to stop intergenerational trauma in its tracks
tubal litigation
Sounds dirty.
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It is abuse. Sounds like it too but it is also absolutely abuse.
And it's abusive.
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I mean my maternal grandmother has been living with us for the past... like 9 years or so?
I know she scolded at me a lot like literally the moment she arrived in the US, so I'm assuming she also did that raising my mother... so yea... generational trauma... nobody ever knew how to parents and this shitty gene just gets passed down lol
It's beyond that though. People so out of control that they refuse to reign themselves in even when it can cause danger to themselves and others.
You have a choice in life. Just don't be like that. You probably don't have many healthy examples of how to deal with frustration and anger. Seek out more rational examples of responses to those events so you can begin to learn how you should be.
It takes practice to acknowledge your initial,automatic ,response and not immediately react. It's going to take years and you won't always get it right, but you have to keep at it and be purposeful.
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Not really that insane when you know the context of what my family is like... I got so used to it, I'm only posting here cuz I need an outlet to vent
To give you a glimpse: mom is pressuring my older brother, who is still living with us btw, to marry because he's "getting too old" and mom's afraid he would be "alone for the rest of his life"... he's 28... for context my dad got married when he was like 31 and mom was 24... arranged marriage... soon after marriage, they gave birth to my older brother then 5 years after that they had me...
I wonder if my mom was even happy being pressured in a marriage at 24... jeez wtf... she probably hate her children... she probably feel like she has no control and wants to control us...
that's my theory anywaysfather seems so... indifferent to us... like he's not even abusive at all... he doesn't seem to care too much emotionally, only care in the sense of like... social expectations for a father to care about their children... I remember like he was always reading newspapers or after phones became a thing, just scrolling wechat... doesn't seem to care about me too much...
so sad... my life is just in black and white... idk why colors literally feel duller these recent years
That one has become accustomed to the abuse does not make it okay. That someone has been abused or in a bad situation does not exclude them from becoming abusers/abusive themselves (oft quite the contrary, it's the seed of how they became so, maladapting to it).
I wonder how well that mother would do when measured against all of Elizabeth Shaw's stuff about how to spot a narcissist.
And then there's the perspective of control dramas... sounding like a bit of an Intimidator mother and Aloof father. Once connected to source, these can become a beneficent Leader and Thinker, their more positive counterpart expressions. Watch for Interogator and Poor-me cross challenges for energy. Better to find the flow.
[PS, "colors literally feel duller" is a strong sign of energy deficit from a lot of energy control dramas, parasiting of each other, unconsciously ~ at least as from the control dramas perspective. Stressors drain us and cause maladies, whether the stressors are emotional, chemical or physical, and the contrary is true too, that each area can be tended to more, to help adapt and compensate for whichever greater stressor load of the other type(s), at least, to some extent.].
