Why would you want to get married?

[lordfirecrotch@lemmy.today]

For us it's a sacrament. And we both wanted to declare our complete exclusivity to each other.

[deathbybigsad@sh.itjust.works]

I mean if you don't have children there's no need.

But if you want children, children that are born out of wedlock might face issues, from legal issues like taxes, jus sanguinis citizenship, and custody issues, to potential societal judgement for being a "bastard"/illegitimate child.

[magicshel@lemmy.zip]

I don't think there is any societal judgement these days. I'm 52, and while my parents were technically married when I was born, there is no evidence of that unless you look at my birth certificate. They married after I was conceived and divorced soon after I was born. No one has ever brought it up.

I think the biggest risk is feeling sensitive about it and outing yourself as giving it weight and opening yourself up to bullying. I met my birth mom when I was 18. And the importance with which she stressed that I was not a bastard really made me question why she assumed I'd give a damn.

She had a lot of weird hangups about my circumstances. I just wanted to meet my siblings. Meeting the person who possessed the womb in which I was formed only made me thankful things worked out as they did.

But I suppose other cultures probably view it differently.

[rbwells@lemmy.world]

I don't personally care, but my husband wanted to be married and my weak preference not to did not matter as much to me as his strong preference to.

It did help when our kids were younger because "stepmom" and "stepdad" have an easier time doing things like school pick-up than "mom's boyfriend" or dad's girlfriend."

[owenfromcanada@lemmy.ca]

How is "do whatever you want" a controversial opinion? Personally, if I thought divorce was likely, I wouldn't get married in the first place. But you do you.

[clownstatue@piefed.social]

This is a great perspective. In a way, the civil part of a marriage is a kind of business of two people. It often comes with legal protections, tax advantages, and some other perks (when I rent a car, my wife is assumed to be a driver at no extra charge!). In many areas, a married arrangement is preferable for adoption purposes. There are a bunch of side benefits to “making it official.”

All of that said, I think countries should do away with marriage. Return it to the churches, and offer a personal business license that gives all the same legal protections and tax options. Any two consenting adults can start a business. When it’s called “marriage” people get their panties in a bunch!

[carrotfox@piefed.social]

3. Getting married changes nothing about the relationship. Until recently, the government didn't even recognise same sex marriages. So if a straight couple gets married, should that make their relationship more valid because the government decides to put a stamp of approval on theirs and not on a gay couple? I hope not.

Depending on where you live, even if you don't get married, a long de-facto union would be considered equivalent and you might face the same obligations here

[libb@piefed.social]

All of that said, I think countries should do away with marriage. Return it to the churches, and offer a personal business license that gives all the same legal protections and tax options.

In France we have the 'PACS' (Pacte Civil de Solidarité, Civil Solidarity Pact) which gives many of the same rights as a civil wedding but not all of them, alas. It's really just a contract, than is easy to break if/when needed. For example, in a married coupled, the survivor is expected to receive half of the pension the other one was expected to receive after their retirement. Not so much with the pacs. But even incomplete I consider it a step in the right direction: creating a contract-like way to officialese a union between two people.

[bismuthbob@sopuli.xyz]

I'm a married person and I had a few reasons. First and foremost was the feelings-based subjectivity of absolutely adoring my long-term girlfriend who was also my best friend. I wanted to be there for her for as long as we're both around and I wanted her to trust that I would be there for her. She felt the same way and wanted to demonstrate that she was all in, which was just as important. For a lot of people (if you look at the divorce statistics), marriage doesn't offer peace of mind. For us, it did. This has everything to do with our temperament, how we are with one another, and the things in life that we want, and what makes us worry about the future. I had a lot of options, but I certainly wouldn't have married anybody else that I'd met.

We also have careers that could involve moving to another region from time to time. There's a significant cost to walking away from a job to be with your partner, so being on the same page about the long-term nature of the relationship is an important part of the decisionmaking process. Health insurance/other benefits is a small but significant thing. It wasn't a factor in our initial decision to marry, but marriage makes it easier to share some things depending on where you live and what type of people are running your government. For me personally, it also made it easier to wrap my head around estate planning, life insurance, and stuff like that.

A minor note based on post-marriage experience: The wedding ring is a decent weirdo-repellent. It isn't foolproof, but it cuts down on some of the social nonsense that single people have to handle. If that interests you, you could just stay single and wear a ring.

[toes@ani.social]

There's a few chief reasons in my eyes.

0. It's so romantic to promise yourselves to each other. (Love is blind and all that jazz haha)

1. Lawfully you guarantee who makes medical and financial choices on your behalf in the event of a disaster. (Sure there're other ways to go about this but they are more expensive when contested)

2. This is the simplest way to ensure your family gets your home and stuff if you pass on.

3. It's typically necessary for insurance purposes.

4. Culturally it's expected of you if you're from a religious or traditional background.

[captainlezbian@lemmy.world]

Shared health insurance in the US was a big impetus to my marriage. But also being legally next of kin, and having default authority in medical situations (I've seen how when you specify who has that power it's often ignored for the spouse). The man that wound up winning gay marriage in the US wasn't allowed to be with his dying partner because they weren't legally allowed to marry. Inheritance was a big issue during AIDS because your partner of many years who you wanted to marry dies and you're left with nothing because their homophobic family contested the will, and you may even lose your home because of it if it was in their name or you relied on their income or savings for the rent or mortgage.

Beyond that there are other protections. Most countries won't separate spouses in refugee situations, and given that I may have rights to citizenship in some EU countries, if that goes through, my wife would be eligible to come with. In general you become treated as a package deal and gain rights fitting that. It has risks, but not doing it also has risks.

[captainlezbian@lemmy.world]

I think it's reasonable to go in with divorce as a possibility. In fact I think some people shouldn't go in until they've seriously considered what they'd do in case of divorce. Relationship exit plans are awesome, they'd be even better if anyone ever followed them.

Op is unromantic here, but divorce is a possibility. People grow and change and sometimes they grow apart (though you should work to avoid it). Sometimes a "want to have" becomes a need and an irreconcilable difference. That's why making a plan while you still love each other and want the best for them is so useful. Worst case scenario it's an afternoon discussing assets before marriage and an hour or so when major financial changes occur that never is needed, but if it is needed it can be a framework of what you both thought was fair before it got ugly that you can bring to divorce court.